------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dr. Chapman explains how important it is for couples to understand how each other and themselves both give and receive love. It is possible for couples to truly love each other, but to truly feel unloved because they don’t think the same about giving and receiving love.Everybody generally has their own primary love languages for receiving love and giving love. It may be the same for giving/receiving, and it may be different. If a husband does not meet the primary love language of his wife, she might not sense his true feelings and start to be unsatisfied with their relationship.Understanding your spouse’s love language and acting accordingly will fill their “Love Tank”. The “Love Tank” analogy is a great metaphor for describing how loved someone feels. Like a gas tank in a car, our lives run best when our Love Tank is filled and constantly being topped off. The alternative is running on fumes and burning out.Meeting people’s primary love language consistently will fill up their love tank and help them feel loved like they need. But if a spouse fails to meet this primary love language, it might leave their “Love Tank” empty, which leads to feelings of being unloved and issues in relationships.Below is a summary of Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages with three questions at the bottom to discern what is your primary love language:Summary: What are the Five Love Languages?
1. Words of Affirmation
“If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.”2. Acts of Service
“If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.”3. Affection
“This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.”4. Quality Time
“This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.”5. Gifts
“Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.”How to figure out your primary language:
- Your upbringing can speak into your love language. How did you parents show you love growing up? What made you feel the most loved as a child? There is a high probability that is your primary love language.
- When you really want to show someone you care about them, what first comes to your mind to show it? Your most basic instincts can show your primary love language as well.
- Painful relational experiences can show your primary love language. If someone close to you hurt you in a deep way or neglected to show love the way you wanted, perhaps the deep hurt/dissatisfaction came because the way you most feel loved was not met. This means that what they failed to do is what you value the most because it is your primary love language.
Top Quotes from The Five Love Languages:
“Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.”“Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.”“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.”“In fact, true love cannot begin until the in-love experience has run its course.”“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”
The texts that I am sending you is from the book "knowing Heart" by Kabir Helminski. You can post it under 5 languages of love.
Thank you,
Marjan
Behind our sadness and anxiety is a simple lack of love, which translates into a lack of meaning and purpose.
We have searched for love in all the wrong places: in building ourselves up, in making ourselves more special, more perfect, more powerful. love's substitute are driving the world. We strive after anything but love, because love is so close that we overlook it.
For most people,me even love is primarily a form of desire, preference, or obsession; love, in other words, has been confused with self gratification. And for most people, "spirituality" is reduced to a way of feeling good about themselves.
It doesn't matter what we have accomplished, what recognition we have received, what we own; there is nothing as sweet as loving- not necessarily being loved, but just loving. The more we love- the richer we are. Nothing is more beautiful or more sacred than the impulse of love we feel for a friend, a child, a parent, a partner. Nothing would be sweeter than to be able to love everywhere and always.
Rumi has written, " Whatever I have said about love,when love comes, I am ashamed to speak."
We are students in the school of love, although it may take us a long time and much suffering to admit this fact. Something obstinately refuses to see the obvious. It is amazing how stubborn and slow we are, and how often we still forget. We forget whenever we think ourselves more important than others, whenever we see our own desires and goals as more important the feelings and well- being of those we love. We forget whenever we blame others for what we ourselves have been guilty of. We forget whenever we lose sight of the fact that in this school of love it is love that we all are trying to learn.
We live in an ocean of love, but because it is so near to us, we sometimes need to be shocked or hurt, or experience some loss, in order to be aware of the nearness and importance of love.
The most elementary and limited form of love is desire, or eros, to use a more suggestive term. We all have desire, or passion. At the most basic level it is animal desire-desire of desirable, love of lovable. Eros is attracted to what it finds desirable or beautiful. It's power is valuable as long as we are not enslaved by it, but often Eros knows no limits in its desire.
The domain of Eros is attraction and pleasure. Eros is the power of the universe as it is reflected at the level of our natural, animal self. From the spiritual point of view, Eros is derivative, metaphoric love. It searches without satisfaction through many objects of desire but never reaches full satisfaction.
Philos is a form of love characterized by sharing or participation. It is a more comprehensive form of love, wider, less self centered than desire. It brings people into relationships. Philos engenders all forms of sharing: family life, social clubs and political organizations, brotherhoods, sisterhoods, cultural bonds.
The highest, most comprehensive level of love is agape. A spiritual, objective, unconditional love. Immature love needs to be loved; mature love simply loves. Agape, or unconditional love, can dissolve the false self. By removing the obstacles we put in the way of agape, by grounding ourselves in the principles and knowledge of love, and by being with those who love spirit, we may come to live within the reality of agape. Eventually agape will refine and expand our sense of who we are to infinite dimensions. It will dissolve our separate existence. Then, instead of seeking the security and consolation of the ego, instead of seeking to be loved, we will be love itself.
May we all find agape in our lives and become love itself.
Love,
Marjan 
hi
ReplyDelete